THE CAMELS ARE COMING

by W. E. Johns

IV. THE BALLOONATICS (Pages 63 – 79)

Biggles has driven to the restaurant ‘Chez Albert’ in the village of Clarmes and is surprised to see Captain Wilkinson, known as “Wilks” of 287 Squadron. (This is the first appearance of Wilks in the Biggles books and he is a regular character in the early RFC stories and he also appears in some later Biggles books). Biggles rugby tackles Wilks as he tries to get into the restaurant before him. Colonel Raymond, of Wing Headquarters, arrives in time to find the two officers struggling. He “eyed the two belligerent officers through a monocle with well-feigned astonishment” and asks what is all this about? Biggles explains that Batty – that is Batson, of his flight – had learned that the proprietor, M. Albert, had “laid in a stock of whisky (the version published in ‘Biggles of the Special Air Police’ has this as lemonade!) at the request of the staff of an Englishman who had taken the Chateua d’Abnay for the season. When this man returned to England, Albert had some of the stuff left on his hands, and, as the local bandits do not apparently drink whisky (lemonade!), it is still here”. Batson had found fourteen bottles at the pre-War price of five francs fifty the bottle. Unfortunately, he only had the money to buy one bottle and now Biggles has returned for the rest. However, Batson has been to a guest night at 287 Squadron and babbled the good news there. “I think you will agree, sir, that having been found by an officer of 266 Squadron the stuff should rightly belong to them” concluded Biggles. (This is the first mention of the number of Biggles Squadron in the book and it appears at page 65 in the first edition). Colonel Raymond tells them the whisky has gone. Raymond himself has bought it, having been a guest at 287 Squadron Mess last night. “I collected it on my way home. I have just come to pay for it”. Raymond asks if they know the Duneville balloon. “We are moving a lot of troops, and that observation balloon has got to come down and stay down. I’m willing to hand over six bottles of that whisky, free, gratis and for nothing, to the officer who does most to keep that balloon on the floor for the next few hours”. Raymond sets out a points system. “Forcing the ground crew to haul the balloon down counts three points; shooting it down in flames, five points. My observers will have their glasses on the balloon all day. You know as well as I do that if you shoot the balloon down there will be another one up within a few hours”. “Any officer taking the balloon prisoner scores a grand slam and gets the other six bottles”. Biggles goes to return to his Squadron and says to Wilkinson, “You keep your damned glasshouse out of my way”, referring to the S.E.5 aircraft which was, at that time, fitted with a semi-cabin windscreen. “And you keep your oil-swilling ‘hump’ where it belongs”, snapped Wilkinson, referring to Biggles’ Camel”. An hour later, Biggles makes his way to the hangers. “In his pocket he carried written orders to strafe the Duneville Balloon; these orders permitted him to carry Buckingham (incendiary) bullets, forbidden on pain of death for any other purpose by the rules of war. Rules were seldom observed during the great struggle, but the order would, at least, protect him from trouble at the hands of the enemy, should he be forced to land on the wrong side of the lines”. When Biggles gets to the balloon, he sees an S.E.5 under heavy anti-aircraft fire attacking the balloon. “Sweet spirits of nitre,” he muttered, “What a hell to be flying through, all for a case of whisky. He must be crazy”. The balloon is pulled down and Wilkinson flies past Biggles holding up three fingers. Biggles hangs around for an hour, but the balloon is not sent up again. He returns to his aerodrome to refuel and then returns for his chance to attack the balloon. He sees three Fokker Triplanes chasing after Wilks and it gives him a great chance to get the balloon. But it’s Wilks or the balloon and Biggles can’t let them get his friend so he goes to assist. “Biggles held his fire until his propeller was only a few feet from the nearest enemy machine, and then raked it from tail skid to propeller-boss with one deadly burst. The Triplane slowly turned over on to its back”. Wilks comes back to aid Biggles and then Biggles attacks the balloon and shoots it down in flames. He holds five fingers up to Wilks. Back at his aerodrome, Major Mullen is concerned that Biggles is going to get himself killed and tells him to “let those infernal kites alone”. Biggles has an idea and gets a 112 pound bomb fitted on a special rack. The next morning, he takes off with difficulty. “This is the maddest thing I have ever done in my life”. “If I get away with it, I’ll sign the pledge”. Biggles bombs the balloon cable drum and the balloon breaks free from its moorings. With the wind blowing in the right direction the balloon, with its observers, are blown over ‘no man’s land’ and the British lines. The observers are forced to land the balloon on the British side and Biggles lands, together with Wilks who has now arrived and they see Colonel Raymond draw up in his car. Biggles is told he can collect the twelve bottles and he’ll “be able to get marvellously drunk tonight”. “Me! Drunk!” said Biggles disgustedly, “I never drink whisky”. “You see, it’s 266 guest-night tomorrow, and I thought we’d give everyone a treat. Will you come Sir? You will, Wilks, I know”. “You bet I will!” cried both officers together. (Obviously, in ‘Biggles of the Special Air Police’, the reference to getting drunk has to be changed to fit in with the ‘lemonade’ so the Colonel merely asks Biggles “Why were you anxious to have it?” before Biggles tells him about the 266 guest-night and invites him and Wilks along. Clearly the thought of two officers risking their lives for six bottles of lemonade is rather ridiculous, but that is what the editors of ‘Biggles of the Special Air Police’ did!).