BIGGLES
IN FRANCE
by W. E. Johns
4.
BIGGLES AND THE MAD HATTER!
(Pages 54 - 66)
(First published in the Modern Boy on
28th July 1934 – Issue 338)
(This
is ‘The Human Railway’ (Chapter 7) & ‘Orange Fire!’ (Chapter 8) in the book
and the story became “CUTHBERT COMES – AND GOES” in “Spitfire Parade”)
“One of the most characteristic
features of flying during the Great War was the manner in which humour and
tragedy so often went hand in hand. At
noon a practical joke might set the officers’ mess rocking with mirth; by
sunset, or perhaps within the hour, the perpetrator of it would be gone for
ever, fallen to an unmarked grave in the shell-holes of no man’s land. Laughter, spontaneous and unaffected, with
Old Man Death watching, waiting, ever ready to strike”. During “a certain summer day” when it was
hot, the officers of 266 Squadron are lounging in the ante-room after the
return of the morning patrol. Maclaren
(first mention of this regular character in this book) is telling a tale about
running out of ammunition when he had a German aircraft cold in his
sights. “It was a red machine – an
Albatross – so it may have been Richthofen
himself. He certainly could fly”. All of a sudden a
stranger enters. “He did not enter as
one would expect a new officer joining a squadron to enter. There was nothing deferential or even in the
slightest degree respectful about his manner.
Indeed, so unusual was his method of entry upon the scene that the amazed
occupants of the room could only stare wonderingly. Actually, what he did was to fling the doors
open wide, and, holding them open with outstretched arms, cry in a shrill
Cockney voice; “Passing Down Street and Hyde Park Corner!” He then emitted a series of sounds that
formed an excellent imitation of a Tube train starting, punctuated with the
usual clanging of doors”. This man
whistles and then finishes by striking his elbow and knuckles against a table
producing a noise which “was precisely the sound made in a railway
booking-office used for punching the date on tickets issued”. Next, the audience are treated to an
excellent imitation of a Camel starting up, running and landing and then
taxying. There is a shout of laughter
from the audience. The man introduces
himself as “Forbes, Clarence. Born
1894”. “They call me the Mad
Hatter”. Forbes is called to see the
C.O. and leaves impersonating a motor cycle.
Shortly afterwards, the C.O. tells Biggles to show Forbes the Line that
afternoon, much to the amusement of the other officers. Biggles arrives at the sheds and discovers
that Forbes has been working on his machine and adjusting it. “Come and have a look at my new device for
keeping Huns off my tail” Forbes say to Biggles, but Biggles is not interested. Biggles tells Forbes to stick close to him
and they take off. “For an hour or more
they flew, following a definite course and climbing to a great height above the
Lines”. Forbes sees a distant aircraft
before Biggles does and they both go after it.
It turns out to be a German Aviatik, a
two-seater. Biggles engine starts
knocking and he realises he will have to fall back. Initially, he can’t get Forbes’ attention as
Forbes is ahead of him so he has to turn without him, but Forbes later turns and
follows. Things get worse when Biggles
sees a formation of German Albatrosses coming down on them. Biggles has a dilemma with his defective
engine as he can’t fight. “To wait for
Forbes in such circumstances was sheer suicide, and even if he did wait there
was little he could do”. Biggles dashes for home and Forbes
follows. “Then came the Hun formation, a
dozen or more of them, like a pack of hungry wolves”. By this time they
may have seen Biggles’ slowly revolving propeller and they had no intention of
letting such easy prey escape. “The
knowledge that Forbes would think he – Biggles – was running away, leaving him
to his fate, bought a scarlet flush to his cheeks. Forbes could not know that his engine had
packed up”. The Huns close in behind Forbes
who does not roll or turn or dive and then all of a sudden there is an orange
streak spurting backwards from Forbes’ Camel.
Then there is a second streak.
Two German planes collide with each other and go down. Two more streamers of fire come from Forbes
machine and the enemy formation scatter and give up the pursuit. Without a working engine, Biggles has to land
and Forbes seems to be having engine problems as well. Forbes tries to land first but flattens out
too late and crashes. Biggles lands and,
with the help of some troops, pulls an unconscious Forbes from the plane. “Where did they get you, laddie?” asks
Biggles when Forbes opens his eyes. “Got
me through both legs,” he breathed.
“That blood on my face is coming from my nose; I think I busted it on
the stubs of my guns when I crashed”.
Forbes says he wanted to try out his rockets, normally used for balloon
strafing. He had made a gadget to hold
them on backwards. An ambulance arrives
and Forbes brings his elbow and fist on the side of the vehicle. “Two to Waterloo!” grinned Forbes.