BIGGLES
IN FRANCE
by W. E. Johns
10.
BIGGLES AND THE FLYING WARDROBE!
(Pages 150 - 164)
(First published in the Modern Boy on
12th January 1935 – Issue 362)
(This
is ‘Twelve Thousand Feet Up’ (Chapter 20) & ‘Returned Unknown’ (Chapter 21)
in the book and the story became “HUMBUGS” in “Biggles of 266”).
Captain Bigglesworth lands in his
“much-shot-about aeroplane”. “You seem
to have been having some fun,” suggested Algy.
“Fun, eh?” grunted Biggles, pointing to the shot-torn machine. “If that’s your idea of fun, it’s time you
were locked up in a padded cell!”
Biggles says he is going to knock the block off Wilkinson. Biggles had gone over to thank him for
sending down a bunch of records for the new gramophone and they got talking
about the Boeleke “circus” that has planted itself
right opposite Wilks’ crowd. “To cut a
long story short, he suggested that I should do the decoy act for them. The idea was to rendezvous over Hamel at
ten-thirty, me at twelve thousand feet up, and all the S.E. ‘planes they could
muster at eighteen thousand feet. I was
to draw the German Albatrosses down, and our S.E.’s would come down on top of
them”. Biggles did his part and saw nine
S.E.’s high up but when the Germans came down at him the S.E.’s disappeared
over the horizon. “And there was me, up
Salt Creek without a paddle”. “There
they were, coming down like a swarm of wasps that had been starved for a
million years!” said Biggles. “There I
was, and there was the circus! But
having got ‘em, I didn’t know what to do with ‘em, and that’s a fact!” “What did you do with them?” asked Batson
eagerly. He had only recently joined the
squadron. "Nothing,” Biggles
said. Nothing at all. Don’t ask fool questions. I came home. Biggles said he went back to Wilks’ place and
found them playing bridge. Wilks said he
thought Biggles meant the show was to be done tomorrow! The S.E.s Biggles saw were Squadron No. 311
going off on escort duty to meet some “Fours” (D.H.4’s) that had gone over on a
bombing raid. Biggles plots his
revenge. He tells Algy that he is going
“to pull Wilks’ leg so hard that he will never get it back into its socket”. Biggles knows Wilks has a passion for “those
big lumps of toffee with stripes on” – humbugs.
Algy will tell Wilks he has discovered a new shop in Amiens where they
have some beauties and go over on the tender with him, the plan being to keep
him out of the way for a long as Algy can.
In the meantime, Biggles intends to borrow a German Pfalz Scout from
Squadron No. 91 as they forced one to land the other day. Well on into the afternoon, there is alarm
and consternation at Squadron No. 287 when a Pfalz Scout flies over and drops a
message. Someone reads it. “It’s Wilks,” he said in a low voice. “He’s down – over the other side! The Huns got him over Bettonau,
half an hour ago – got his engine. By
the courtesy of the C.O. of the Hun squadron where they have taken him, he has
sent this message to say that he is unhurt, and would like someone to bring him
over a change of clothes. He says he can
have his shirts and pyjamas and pants – anything we think might be useful. If someone will drop them on the Boche
aerodrome at Douai, they will be handed to him before he is sent to the prison
camp tonight”. Parker, a pilot of Wilks’
flight, claimed the honour. Meanwhile
Biggles is landing at Mont St. Eloi, the station of Naval Squadron No. 91, to
be criticised by Lee, a junior officer, for being gone half an hour when it was
only supposed to be a quick flip around the aerodrome. Biggles asks Lee not to say anything to
anyone. Biggles flies his Camel back to
Maranique and an hour later Algy and Wilks return from Amiens, not having found
the shop which sold the biggest humbugs in France as Algy couldn’t remember
where it was. Wilks invites Algy and
Biggles over to his squadron for dinner.
They travel over by tender to be greeted by a hush at the arrival of
Wilks. Wilks goes to his room only to
find his kit missing. Parker tells Wilks
all his clothes have been dropped at Douai and he explains why. They hear a German Mercedes engine outside
and a large, dark round object goes bounding across the aerodrome. Wilks says the thing dropped will go bang in
a minute and in order to “settle it”, he opens fire at it with a
machine-gun. He continues to fire until
he thinks the bundle is safe. Then,
opening it, Wilks discovers it is his clothes(!) A mangled note in English can be
read. “From Jagdstaffel Commander,
Douai. Message not understood. No Captain Wilkinson at Douai. Have made inquiries at other units, but no
explanation received. Thinking mistake
has been made, kit is returned with compliments”. Realisation dawns on Wilks and he looks
around for Algy and Biggles but they have disappeared. “Far away a tender was racing down the long,
white, poplar-lined highway, leaving a great cloud of dust in its wake”.